Sunday, July 3, 2011

I've Only Had a Couple

Ever heard that song....Redneck Yacht Club? I think I was there last night. And I arrested the "President". In the song the President's name is Bob, so I'll call him Bob. That's right, Party Cove on the federal impoundment in my territory was hopping yesterday. 85 degrees and sunny never makes a good 4th of July weekend for me. While my husband was home listening to the tantrums of my daughter, Chatterbox and myu son, Towhead as they came to blows over the pink play doh,  I was cruising through Party Cove with two Water Officer's on the lookout for drunk drivers.

Bob is in the cove every weekend. Bob's nickname is "Hef", short for Hugh Hefner. He is a sixty one year old guy with a pretty good body, but not good enough to attract the ten college girls he hauls around every weekend in his 26 ft. long Cobalt.

Apparently Bob must ascribe to the reasoning we heard earlier in the day from a middle aged man who answered my question, "How much have you had to drink today, Sir?" with, "I can't get drunk- I'm 55 years old." It didn't make sense to me either considering 1 out of every 10 middle aged people I meet after 11:00 pm on a Saturday night are hammered. But, I must admit his answer was unique, unlike every other person who answers with, "I've only had a couple." Yeah right.

Anyway, poor Bob had just dropped his harum off at the bar a little after 11:00 PM last night and was leaving the dock when we stopped his boat. The first unprompted words out of his mouth as we pulled up to the boat were, "I'm ok. I can drive. I'm out here all the time- you guys know me. I'm ok to drive." You don't have to be a trained detective to find this response a bit fishy.

So after a few field sobriety tests, Bob was on his way to the jail. Upon arrival at the jail there was a waiting line (yes, fine county we have here). As we waited in line to get him booked, Bob, handcuffed, barefoot , in nothing but swimming trunks still managed to flirt with a twenty two year old woman standing in line in front of him. Gotta give the guy credit for taking advantage of a captive audience I guess.

As much as I may joke about some drunk boaters I encounter, the reality of drunk boaters is very scary. Last year we lost a 12 year old girl on our impoundment when she was struck by another boat while she was in the water. And yes, alcohol was involved. I was the first to arrive at the accident scene where I found the decapitated body in the back of the victim's boat. That image will never leave my memory, and it reminds me every day I'm on the water why I'm hooking up people like Bob, and hauling them to jail. I'd rather dress him in orange and let him hit on women than let him loose anywhere on my waters.

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