Saturday, July 30, 2011

Blast Off!

I just saw a little too much of the Super Wash guy.

Super Wash Man is sweet, older gentleman, with a soft spot for cops. Everytime I pulled into the car wash he would come hurrying over to my stall and feed the machine full of quarters so I could give me truck the "VIP" treatment. He'd smile and tell me to have a nice day.

I always pictured Super Wash Man, going home to his elderly wife, greeting her with a peck on the cheek, and sitting down on the front porch for a piece of apple pie that she baked specially for her sweet Super Wash husband. His cat would curl up on his lap, and he would tell Super Wash Wife all about his day- the cars he saw, the people he talked to, all the squad cars he helped keep clean...

But then.

My dream.

Was smeared.

Like a bug on the windshield.

I was driving through the wildlife area, minding my own business, listening to NPR, when I noticed a red pickup truck stopped in the middle of the road up ahead. Slowly, I pulled up behind the car.

"That's strange," I mumbled to myself. I couldn't see anyone in the truck. Why would someone park their truck in the middle of the road and walk away? Maybe it was broken down.

There was just enough room for me to pull my truck up alongside the red truck, so I could drive past it. I inched my truck up to the driver's side of the red truck, and looked into the window.

And that is when I saw it.

Someone was mooning me from the driver's window...

"What the hell?" I said. Why would someone moon me?

But then.

The person turned and looked over his shoulder. He was thin, and had gray hair. It was Super Wash Man. First he had a look of terror on his face. And then a look of recognition.

Then suddenly a woman sat up from under Super Wash Man. She had long, curly blond hair. She wasn't wearing any clothes. And she wasn't Super Wash Wife.

I got out of my truck and walked up to the window and told them to put on some clothes. Then, although I sadly knew the answer, I had to ask anyway, "Ma'am, are you here by choice?"

"Yes," she squeaked.

"Ok," I said.

I turned around, got into my truck and drove away.

My image of sweet Super Wash Man is forever tarnished. I will never be the same. And I fear, I will never again, get a free car wash.


  1. Life is full of surprises. Things are never quite what they seem, people to.

  2. Ah yes, the ultimate question, "Ma'am are you here by choice?" The surprise answer would have been, NO! Such is the life of a law enforcer and the number one reason why when someone gives you something free or discounted, that you make sure you leave a generous cover the cost...and not be put in an equally compromising position as Super Wash Guy. Lessons learned and not forgotten.

  3. Now, there's a story...not something that you want to see...ANY day! Butt funny!! HA.

  4. My grandfather used to sneak up on parked cars and pound loudly on the side, yelling " what's going on in there?"

    Been enjoying your blog,keep it up!

  5. I can sum that up in just "one word"! YaNeverKnow.
    Gaining lots of respect for your job every time I visit your blog.

  6. My grandfather used to walk through parking lots and bang on cars...just to set off the car alarms. Back on track though....this post was hilarious. Nice work!

  7. What's that they say....Can't judge a book by its cover?

    That's freaking hilarious...I mean you may need to pour bleach in your eyes after that....;)

  8. Reminds of the day we had to escort a naked potester off of a sub in Hawaii. Somethings are more dfficult to forget than others. LMAO!